Who is my Family?
“Addison is my 16-year-old granddaughter who loves creative writing. As a junior in high school, she is thinking about career choices and sees her future including some aspect of writing. She was very excited to publish a blog on my website. I think you will see that not only does she have a good command of language and also thinks and feels deeply about her chosen topic.”
I believe family is not determined by blood samples, family trees, and DNA tests, but by love, safety, and time spent building trust during the valued relationships throughout life.
I clock six hours a day of total time spent with my two best friends. Relatively 21 hours more than I spend with my parents and brother per week. I see my grandparents on my mom’s side for two hours each month now that I am a teenager. My uncle I haven’t seen in over five years, and my one grandpa, who I never got to meet, stayed away my whole life. My point is, the people I have least relation to are the ones with whom I share most of my time. Having the opportunity to share my time with people I love and care about the most is a gift.
I found out about my grandfather on my dad’s side walking out on my dad in his adolescent years, when I brought up wanting to name my kid Charlie someday when I was eight years old. I think growing up without a parent has a really big impact on kids. I notice the way my dad is. That’s the way he has to be; it is the way he knows best. All I know is that if he grew up with a dad, his decisions while growing up would have been smarter, and he wouldn’t have so much guilt that weighs him down further each day. I don’t think family could ever walk away from each other. That grandfather isn’t family. There is no love or trust shared between us and him.
Trekking over to the other side of my family tree, my mother’s brother, (aka my uncle), also exited the family a few years ago. Since then, I haven’t seen my uncle except in the handwriting of christmas cards that are signed “With love.” I don’t believe you can love someone without knowing them.
I became best friends with my crew in March of this year. I had just come back from ski season with an MCL tear, and a failed bestfriend relationship, both making me very scared to come back home after spending the winter in Vail on the Vail Ski Team. These two girls swooped me under their wing and cured me back to myself. Now we spend time together or texting every morning before school, every afternoon after cross-country practice and homework, and every hour of the weekend. They have seen my worst and my best, plus everything in between. They have become my family.
Throughout my whole life I have seen the ugly within family drama. It takes a toll on everyone involved. Having a family means to have unconditional love and support from the ones around you. They are the ones that never leave. Through thick and thin.
My parents are my number one supporters. They have been with me through all my mistakes to help me learn and grow. They provide countless opportunities that I am never appreciative enough for. Both my parents work full time so we don’t spend huge amounts of time together. However, time is not the only thing important in a relationship, and everything else we have built is perfect. We understand how to function together because we have trust and safety.
While I value the majority of my family members and love them dearly, some of my relatives are not included. We are related by blood, but there is no place in my family for them. I include others that deserve those spots more. By definition a family is a group related by blood, but for me a family is so much more. It’s more than christmas cards and a birthday wish. It’s more than DNA and “ancestry.com.” Family is the people that show up no matter what.